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Like symptoms are a tell tale sign that something is medically wrong, there are tell tale signs that your relationship is in trouble! Just like you shouldn’t ignore symptoms in your body, you shouldn’t ignore symptoms when it comes to your love relationships too.
Why?
Because, sometimes, a stitch in time does save nine! Sometimes however, its just too late to save anything!
Okay, so here are ten signs to let you know that your relationship is in trouble.
1. You’re no longer getting what you want or need from the relationship. If you are not happy, it’s likely your partner is also unhappy.
2. You can no longer communicate with your partner. When you are speaking different languages, nine times out of ten, well, quite simply, you can no longer understand each other!
3. You no longer look forward to spending time alone with your partner. When you find yourself making appointments for the time you should normally be with your partner, something is wrong.
4. You partner seems to be getting on your nerves and you can no longer tolerate those petty things you used to overlook.
5. You compare your partner to others. You wonder why your partner can’t be like someone else and you go on and on about it.
6. You try to change your partner. You go out and buy clothes that you would prefer to see on your partner even when you know they hate that style.
7. You don’t laugh anymore. It’s been months since you both found something funny at the same time.
8. You’re doing all the giving or all the getting. It’s your love that is keeping the relationship going.
9. Your friends no longer like being around you when you’re with your partner.
10. You no longer feel good about yourself. It’s like you’ve become someone else and you don’t like the new you.
So, there you have them! Where are you?
To save the relationship or not to save it?
Ah, that my friend, is your question!
Have a great week!
NB: You may want to read the first two parts of this piece before continuing here.
Ngozi loved Uche from the start. An attractive lady, people were surprised that she could fall for someone like Uche whose looks were below average.
Uche worked in a bank and drove a brand new BMW. He was a generous guy and within months, he had bought Ngozi one of those tiny Kia cars. She loved it. It was an exotic lime colour. All her friends envied her and couldn’t believe her good fortune.
Uche lived in a serviced apartment with a swimming pool at Victoria Island. He had a cook who took care of the apartment very well and it didn’t take Ngozi too long to move in with Uche! Uche’s friends couldn’t believe Uche’s good fortunes. “Lucky devil” They called him.
Ngozi didn’t work. She stayed back home like a housewife and cooked lovely dishes for Uche. Uche loved to invite friends over for Dinner and show Ngozi off. He loved going out on dates and parties to show off his “catch”
Everyone expected them to get married soon as Ngozi appeared to have settled in nicely and Uche told everyone that he had found the woman of his dreams.
Everything went great until the consolidation exercise in the banking industry started. There was a lot of politics in Uche’s Bank and before he knew it, Uche was out of a job!
All attempts to get a new job didn’t go very well. Uche’s bank was a relatively small one. There were lots of folks who were more qualified for the position Uche wanted. Soon, he lost hope and stopped trying.
In a matter of weeks, Uche couldn’t maintain his car not to talk of Ngozi! His apartment was part of his official perks and he had to move out. Things became rather tight as he had to use all his savings to pay for another flat.
The new apartment was far away in Ipaja a surburb. It was also a duplex but it just wasn’t Victoria Island. There were pot-holes all over the roads and the neighbours were dirty and noisy.
Soon, Uche started getting on Ngozi nerves. As she explained to her friends, she couldn’t imagine what she saw in Uche! The guy was ugly and boring. Gone were the dinner parties and the eating out.
Two months after, Ngozi broke off their engagement. Uche was mad. He demanded for the car he bought for her and when she refused to give it back, he reported the matter to the police.
The police stepped in but they discovered that the car was in Ngozi’s name! Legally, it belonged to her and they could not take it from her forcefully. They advised Uche to take out a civil action to prove that he bought the car for her since she denied it!
Uche couldn’t afford to take a lawyer. He was crushed. He couldn’t understand how Ngozi could treat him the way she did after professing eternal love to him!
Please advice Uche and Ngozi on what to do next?
Lets have your comments people!
NB: You may want to read the first part of this article before you continue here.
Lust takes! Oh yes, Lust will take and keep taking from you until you have nothing left to give!
When someone wants to see you all the time, whether or not its convenient for you, when someone expects you to always give money or presents, even if you have to steal the money, well that aren’t True love, baby!
When someone wants sex before marriage and they tell you that if you don’t put out then they’ll cut you out, sweetheart, that’s not Love!
When you’re the only one calling, sending text messages, and visiting and they are always too busy to call or visit you, well, that’s not love and in most cases, this happens after you’re had sex with them.
When someone wants you to look like someone else, dress like someone else, talk like someone else or walk like someone else, well, they are in love with someone else and not you!
When you’re been dating a guy for years, and he’s sleeping with you and he doesn’t want to discuss marriage, something is wrong girl! You’re being foolish!
Now, if you still don’t know how to separate true love from Lust, you really have problems!
But let’s look at why true love is sometimes called divine love. Maybe that will help you.
Divine Love is actually the English translation of the Greek word know as Agapao or Agape as most people know it.
If you are a Christian, you are probably familiar with John 3:16 in the Bible where it says,
“For God so loved the word that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believes in him should not die but have everlasting life”
Jesus came to this world and was crucified on a rugged cross at Calvary to save sinners.
Jesus wasn’t just a good guy. No, He came in execution of God’s plan to save humanity from sin and death. He was a sacrificial lamb.
Now that is true love. For a man to die for his fiends is definitely true love.
Am I saying you must die for your honey-pie to prove that you love him or not? Of course not.
All I’m saying is this. When you truly love someone, you are prepared to sacrifice for them. You are prepared to help them even if that help is going to cost you or hurt you.
I’m talking about emptying out your account to bail someone you love. And wait for it, the fact that they, may not pay you back is irrelevant.
Impossible?
Well, that’s true love for you!
The reason why it’s often difficult to find true love is because human beings are by nature selfish!
In this world, it is often every man for himself and God for us all! Most people naturally look out for themselves first.
You see, when people are dating and they say they are in love, its because things are going great. Both parties have a mutually beneficial relationship and are meeting each others needs.
Trouble always starts when one person is no longer able to meet the other person’s needs.
NB: Watch out for the concluding part next week
When you’re been dating for a while, I mean when you’re been seeing the same guy for a while, the question “How do I know if he really loves me?” is bound to come up somewhere down the road.
“He loves me, he loves me not”
For most people who are serious about dating, there is an expected end.
Marriage.
Now I know there are a lot of people who are just looking for fun. I know there are a lot of men out there who are just looking to “sow some wild oats” as we say. I also know that there are ladies who are just looking for someone to fleece!
If you are a “farmer” or “fleecer” in this context, this article is not for you.
As a matter of fact, this website is not for you.
Now don’t get all defensive. I have nothing against you personally but I feel obliged to warn you. The stuff you will learn on this website is so potent that it will work for you and before you know it, you might get hooked (sorry, trapped!)
So my friend, close your Brower and go to another website that is dedicated to giving you lots of fun (and heartaches)
Back to those truly looking for love
What is true love?
Most of what people call love is actually the opposite of love. What people call love is also a four letter word but that is where the similarity ends. What people mistake for “Love” is often “Lust”
How can you tell Love and Lust apart?
Sandra met Bill at a party. He was handsome, funny and romantic. In two weeks, Sandra was madly in love.
Within a month the happy couple was living together. They lived in Sandra’s flat. Bill was unemployed. He had no accommodation and no transportation when he met Sandra.
Two months after they met, Bill was driving Sandra’s car all over town. Because Sandra was working, he would drop her off in the morning and go off to “look for a job”
Six months after they met, Bill took off in Sandra’s car and Sandra’s money after an argument!
Sandra was two month pregnant and sorry, I forgot to mention that they were not married!
Now, I know that your name is not Sandra and you’re probably not a Bill. But, if you don’t know or you cannot recognize true Love, well, your chances of ending up like Sandra or, well, Bill may be much higher than you imagine.
Today, I’m just going to tell you one way to differentiate between True Love and Lust. It is quite simple really, here goes.
Love gives, Lust takes!
What?
Yes. If you truly love someone you will focus on giving and not taking or getting from your “lover”
Now, you can give without loving but you cannot love without giving.
If someone truly loves you, they are more interested in adding to you than taking away from you.
Love will always go the extra mile to do or give what is best for you.
True Love is not selfish. True love thinks about the other person first, always.
True love doesn’t mind getting hurt just to make the other person happy and fulfilled.
True love accepts you as you are and will patiently wait for you to improve on yourself. True love gives you peace and joy.
If you are beginning to wonder if that “lover” is truly in love with you, well, my friend, you are right, that joker isn’t in love with you after all!
But don’t hurry off. Let me tell you a bit about Lust so you can really understand where that joker is coming from.
NB: Please watch out for the concluding part next week.
NB: You may want to read the first two parts of this article before reading this concluding part.
ROMANCE:
“I wish you would be more romantic!”
If you’re a married man reading this piece, you’ve heard that hundreds of times I’m sure. If not, how about this?
“When was the last time you told me you love me?”
I’ve heard that hundreds of times and my response is always the same.
“Honey, you know, I love you!”
‘Well, I don’t know! my wife always snaps back! “How can you say you love me when you don’t tell me!”
“I thought I did yesterday.”
“When?” comes the inevitable query.
Okay, maybe I didn’t say it yesterday and maybe I did. At times like this, I wish I had an Accountant following us around taking count of the number of times I tell my wife I love her!
This reminds me of a husband who was being cross-examined in a divorce suit.
“If you claim to love your wife, how come you never told her in ten years of marriage?” his wife’s lawyer asked.
“Having told her on our wedding day, I didn’t think it was necessary repeating myself!” he replied not batting an eyelid!
Can you beat that?
Does the fact that my wife and I constantly argue over whether I am romantic enough mean our marriage is over?
Of course not! I’m a man and my communication skill can never match that of my wife. I’m learning though.
HEADACHES!
Once in a while, wives have headaches at very inconvenient times. If you are a married man, you know what I’m talking about.
It took me some time to figure out how to get rid of those headaches and I tell you, we had hundreds of arguments about it.
Fortunately for husbands, the Bible says women are to submit to their husbands and as a Christian with some knowledge of the Bible; this verse of scripture came in handy during those arguments.
Sometimes I had my way, most of the time, I didn’t!
After a few years and a few books, I started to see things from my wife’s point of view.
Now I don’t just ump on my wife expecting her to be always willing like in the movies! I try to be a friend and a caring husband all the time.
I must confess that I sometimes behave like the average man and we still have arguments about bedroom manners but does this mean my marriage is doomed?
No! My wife has also learnt to tolerate my natural instincts!
And so folks, remember, some sparks are normal in every marriage and they are nothing to worry about! We’ve looked at five of them and I hope you’re a little wiser now. Compromise, that’s the word you need to learn to practice more in your marriage.
If you’re however having too many sparks on a fairly regular basis, you need to see a marriage Counselor fast!