Paul went down on one knee and held my hand ever so lightly as he slipped a beautiful engagement ring on my finger. I could see the Diamond glittering in the morning sun.

The Park was alive with children playing and dogs running around as parents sat enjoying picnics all over the lush green fields. Red roses, White Lilies and Purple Jacaranda Trees adorned the park. I could hear the songs of birds welcoming spring early this clear April, day and it was a wonderful time to have someone as charming as Paul propose to me.

But my answer had to be ‘No’

I shook my head slowly and pulled Paul up from his knees. I tried to speak but the words wouldn’t come. I turned to avoid the sadness that I could see deep within his soul. Tears filled my eyes at the thought of the hurt and the pain I was causing him but my answer had to be ‘No’

‘You know I love you baby’ Paul whispered slowly as he fought hard to control his emotions.

I nodded without turning back to face him. I couldn’t bear to look at him.

‘Why Lord, why?’ my heart cried out to God but I knew the answer deep within me.

From the first day I set my eyes on Paul, I had known this day would come. I just didn’t know it would hurt this much.

It was at this same park, about this time of the year. My bicycle had lost control and I had literally run into him! I was more than embarrassed! I was full of apologies as he pulled me up from the hedges.

‘You must have lunch with me today to prove how sorry you are’ was all he said.

That dinner turned to this a year later!

I could feel Paul move close to me as he put his arms on my shoulders. ‘Don’t you think I deserve an answer?’ he whispered

I gazed at the bright blue sky seeking strength and wisdom before I spoke.

‘I’m sorry Paul, it just can’t work’

‘It just can’t work? I don’t understand’

‘I’ve given this a lot of thought. I am not just a Christian Paul, I live for God. I treasure my relationship with Jesus more than anything else in life. He is my everything and I cannot live without Him in my life’

Paul shook his head in disbelief. ‘But I am not asking you to give up your relationship with God’ He protested ‘I am also very religious, you know I attend Mass as often as possible. I am not a pagan for crying out loud!’

Well, what kind of a question is that? Of course, you agreed.  I mean, you’re married aren’t you? Would you be married if you hadn’t agreed?

Hold your horses! You see, over the years I have discovered that most couples that end up in failing or failed marriages didn’t really agree before they got married.

What do I mean?

In all probability, you wouldn’t agree to take a job without knowing the conditions of service would you? You’d like to know the salary to start with.  Any allowances? You would ask.  Any perks? You know the drill.

In most organizations, you have to put your signature to a document that says you agree to the terms and conditions of service. As it were, what you have is a contract of employment. The employer has its own obligations and you, the employee have your own obligations.

Except for desperate people, most folks tend to shop around for the job that offers them the best.  Sometimes, you may even take a job, knowing you’re still shopping. It’s not your Eldorado. The minute something better comes along, you’re off to greener pastures, so to speak.

This is even more so in today’s cut-throat business world. Hardly do you find people spending all their lives in one job anymore.  People tend to be mobile. You can’t blame anyone for wanting the best.

What’s my point?

Do you realize that most people spend more time discussing and agreeing to their terms and conditions of service than they do discussing their terms and conditions of marriage?!

Now I’ve lost you! Terms and conditions of marriage?

Well, marriage is a covenant my friend. It’s an Agreement between two people. It’s a contract. Only a fool would enter into a contract without discussing and having a full understanding of the terms of the contract.

If you go to a Lawyer complaining that there has been a breach of contract, the first thing he will likely ask you for is a copy of the contract. That is the basis or the foundation of your rights.

When it comes to marriage, what happens is that when people are in ‘love’,  they are so blinded by infatuation that they stupidly believe that they will live happily ever after!

To start with honey, love won’t pay the rent! There are about 90 questions that have to be asked and truthfully answered during courtship before a couple should even consider getting engaged.

‘What if we are Christians and we both really love the Lord? Won’t the Lord just do it for us?’

Do what? Jesus said it’s not smart for anyone to start constructing a building without counting the cost first! That means planning. In marriage, that means coming to an agreement about your future with your partner.

When people don’t agree on a lot of stuff before getting married, it’s not strange that a few years down the road they are going to be bickering.

Do you know that some folks get married without having an agreement as to how many kids they will have? I mean what if the husband is a football coach and he’s planning to have eleven boys so he can have his own team?

What if she loves dogs and really isn’t into children? (You think that’s crazy? I’ve seen crazier stuff!)

Your marriage is obviously more important than your job isn’t it?  (If your job is more important than your marriage, I will suggest that you consider getting married to your job.  That way you won’t be responsible for breaking someone’s heart someday!) Well, if you won’t take a job without coming to an agreement with your Employers, how can you get married without coming to an agreement with your spouse?

Oh no! I’m not asking you to get a lawyer to draw up a marriage contract to be signed sealed and delivered! I’m not talking about a Pre-Nuptial Agreement either ( If you live in the United States, you’re excluded!}

It is wise to sit down with your partner and come to an agreement as to your expectations in marriage.  The benefits of doing this are eternal, I guarantee you.  The benefits of staring into each others eyes and muttering sweet nothings into each others ears will be for about two years.  The choice is yours.

state:

DID YOU AGREE?

It’s Christmas again! Time does fly doesn’t it? It’s a wonderful year for me and I  sure hope you’ve had a great year too.

So, how do you plan to spend your Christmas? Here are a few ideas for guys dating or courting.

1.         Go to church (if you are a Christian) after all, what we are celebrating is the birth of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. After the service, go home to your family, have a nice lunch, call your heartthrob on the phone and sing a few carols to her (make sure your Carols are the short ones or you’ll be starting the new year in debt!)

2.         If you’re not really the family type, rebel!  Go to church earlier than everyone else in your family or go to a different church altogether! You have great plans for the day and if either of your parents or Uncles etc catches a glimpse of you, you’ll be neck deep in Christmas chores, from slaughtering the goat to visiting your grandparents. Not cool!

Be sure to leave the service before they say the grace. In some churches, Christmas is really the Reverend father’s or Pastor’s day and some are wont to drone on for hours during sermons. We can’t have that now, can we? We have plans for the day!

Pick your love up or catch up with her.  Head for the Beach! Get your feet wet, roll on the sand and,  don’t you dare!

3.         Okay, so you don’t go to Church, you are not religious. What can I say, it’s your life!  But you want to celebrate Christmas even if you don’t recognize the person of the celebrant.

Wake up early. I’m talking to the men now. Be sure to be the one to wake your sweetheart up with a phone call. Have a romantic song or a Christmas Carol sung in a romantic way on hand so she can listen to it as you tell her a few sweet nothings!

4.         Religious or not, here’s a great one. Have a Courier company deliver a giant Christmas Card with a dozen Roses and an unforgettable Christmas present to her at about 5:00am in the morning!

I’m serious. She’ll never forget you! Neither will her parents. The Courier man sure won’t forget their dog if they have one!

5.         If you’re almost engaged and or you’re having trouble convincing his or her parents that you’re the real deal, you may want to use this time to your advantage.

Send them a wonderful Christmas present.  Anything from a Car to a Cow! Depends on how stupid you are and how silly they are! You never know, that just may be where you’ve been missing it.

6.         Ah, my favorite. How about hooking up with your darling after church and heading for an Orphanage or Old People’s home with some gifts?

Christmas is all about giving and when you give to people who can’t possibly repay you, well quite simply, God owes you!

7.         Also you may want to spend some time with someone who is going to be really lonely this Christmas. Maybe they have no family or maybe they’re far away from home.  Maybe they are in a hospital somewhere battling an incurable disease. Again, if you do that, quite simply, God owes you!

And so guys, whatever you do, have a great Christmas but remember, there is life after Christmas!

state:

7 WAYS TO CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS!

A few years back, earlier in the marriage, Lucky would have rushed after her to placate and bring her back to bed. Now he had simply turned off the lights and crashed on the bed pulling the cover over his head. He really didn’t care that much anymore!

He closed his eyes and tried to relax. Perhaps he could drift into sleep if he emptied his mind of all thoughts.

A few minutes later however, ice-cold water hit him on the bed, drenching him in a moment!

Lucky jumped off the bed, confused as to what was happening.

Standing by the bed with an empty bowl was Maria. She had stole into the room and emptied a bowl of ice cold water over him!

Lucky removed his pajamas top and flung it on the floor. He didn’t know what to think.

“What do you think you are doing?”

Maria’s eyes glared at him but she said nothing.

“Have you gone mad?” Lucky asked still shocked at what had just transpired.

Better to get a Towel to wipe myself dry, Lucky thought. He was cold.

As he stepped towards the Bathroom however, Maria cut him off!

“You are not going anywhere!”

Lucky took two steps back, too stunned to speak.

“You will kill me today,” Maria declared, eyes blazing as she grabbed a hold of Lucky’s pajamas trousers!

Lucky grabbed a hold of her hands and pushed them off but she grabbed his trouser again!

Why on Earth did I get married to this woman? Lucky asked himself. What he really felt like doing was giving the woman a thorough beating!

NB: To be continued next week!

‘Hello, Sweet-heart’

‘No I’m with a friend’

‘Yes, darling’

‘I love you too’

She wore a sweet smile as she flipped the phone off knowing that I was curious about the fellow she had just spoken with.

‘That was Emeka, my boyfriend, she announced proudly

‘Oh, good’ I responded, ‘You guys seem to be very tight’

Femi laughed a little ‘I really like this guy. He loves me so much!”

I was immediately inquisitive. ‘How can you tell?’

‘He can’t keep away from me. He calls me at least thrice a day. He says I’m always on his mind!”

‘How often do you see him?” I asked

‘Everyday, he comes over and he takes me out. He spoils me, I tell you. There is nothing I want that he doesn’t give me. He works in an Oil company and he’s loaded!”

‘How long have you known him for?”

‘About a month! I haven’t met any one like him. He’s just all over me!”

I just had to know ‘Are you guys sleeping together?”

Femi was visibly shocked but we were quite close, so she took it in her stride, I guess.

‘Well, he wants to but I’m not so sure I should”.

Not so sure she should? Had she learnt anything from me at all?

‘What do you mean, ‘You don’t know if you should? I hollered.

Femi cringed. ‘I know I shouldn’t but he loves me so much and he’s given me so much’.

I calmed down fast. I could understand what was going on and getting upset wouldn’t do either of us any good.

‘Okay so this guy is in love with you. Great! Are you in love with him?”

She stared up at the ceiling for about twenty seconds ‘I think so”, she said quietly

‘Has he asked you to marry him?”

She rolled her eyes at me. ‘We only just met’

‘Yeah, but he wants to sleep with you!”

She shrugged ‘It’s like that’s natural!”

I couldn’t hold myself any more

state:

LOVE ? I THINK NOT!

‘Excuse me’

Standing beside Stella, was an old lady who wanted to get into the seat beside Sheila.  Sheila didn’t take any notice until the old Lady gently tapped her shoulder.

‘Oh I’m sorry,’ she moved in and the lady took the aisle seat.

Sheila’s mind was on Ricky.  She had been friends with Ricky for about six years.  Nothing romantic, it was just plain friendship. That was until yesterday.  They had gone on a Dinner date and out of the blues Ricky had come out with a marriage proposal!

Sheila still couldn’t believe it.  Ricky was like her brother! He practically knew everything about her.  Even all her former Boyfriends! Why in the world would he want to ruin a good friendship? She took out a photograph they had taken together a few months back and examined it.

‘Your finance? It was the old lady beside her. She was starring at the photograph with a smile on her face.

‘Oh no!’  Sheila responded promptly.

‘What a shame! He looks like a nice boy’.

‘Well, he just asked me to marry him’, Sheila volunteered without thinking, and then she continued.

‘But there are no sparks! He’s more like a brother and I don’t think I can see him in a romantic way.

The old lady shook her head slowly. ‘That’s the problem with you young folks. You’re much more interested in the wrapper than the gift. Friends make the best lovers my child! The best marriages around are those between two real friends, not two acquaintances who think they’re in love!’

‘But he’s not really my type’. Sheila protested.

‘And who is your type?’

‘Well, I prefer big muscular men!’ responded defensively

The old lady smiled. ‘And how many of them really know you, I mean how many know your strengths and especially your weaknesses and still want to get married to you? The true worth of a man is his strength of character not his muscles! Is this your friend honest, dependable and caring?

Sheila nodded without any hesitation

‘From what you’ve said about this your friend, I think you should give his proposal a long thought. Sparks normally go out in about 2 years and you may not like what you’ve ended up with after the sparks are gone! Character is what you need to go the long haul.  I am not saying that sparks are not important. I’m just saying that they’re not as important as you think!’

‘It’s all so confusing’. Sheila muttered

The old Lady chuckled. ‘Getting the sparks to fly is not as difficult as you think. A lot of pleasant surprises await you if you can be patient my dear.

The Bus slowed down and came to a stop.

‘My stop, announced the old lady, rising from her seat.  ‘I wish I had known what I just told you when I was your age. It would have saved me quite a lot of heartaches; I tell you!

state:

NO SPARKS AT ALL?

She located Darlene’s Apartment quite easily. All she had to do was drive at a safe distance behind Timmy early on a Saturday morning when he was supposed to be on his way to the Club to play Golf!

The following day, during her break time, she went over to the Apartment block and knocked on a door on the ground floor. An elderly lady peeped from behind the security chain.

‘Is Darlene home? She asked the old lady

‘You want Apartment Eight on the second floor’, the lady replied with a kind smile.

Angela thanked her and walked off quickly. This was not the day.

Three days later, after confirming that Timmy would be at the office until very late, she drove over to Darlene’s place. She had noosed around the neighborhood to find out some things about the girl. She lived alone and was normally back from work by 7.00pm. Angela knocked at her door at 7.15pm and waited patiently.

Obviously the girl didn’t know who she was! She looked about twenty two with wide starry eyes and very long black hair. She must have just gotten out of the shower because she had her bath robe on.

NB: YOU SHOULD READ PARTS 1-3 FIRST!

‘Yes, can I help you?’ She asked, angling her head to one side

‘You don’t know me but we have to talk. I’m Timmy’s wife’, Angela announced watching for her reaction

Darlene blushed from head to toe and quickly threw the door open.

Angela walked into a cozy flat that was tastefully furnished. Darlene waved at a chair and sat quietly staring at the floor!

Angela was surprised. She had expected a wanton Adulteress not an innocent looking Kitten! It was too late to go back now anyhow. The girl obviously knew Timmy was married.

‘You’ve been sleeping with my husband. You’ve torn my home apart! Are you someone I hurt in some past or previous existence?

Darlene sat just staring at the floor

‘Well, what do you have to say for yourself?  Angela opened her bag and put her hand inside but didn’t bring anything out. She had a Gun in the bag but she didn’t want to bring it out just yet.

The gesture was to make the girl know that she had something harmful in the bag! She could feel anger rising up within her as her hands touched the cold but of the Gun.

TO BE CONTINUED!

Timmy came home that day and apologized for all the grief he had caused her! He told her he had seen the error of his ways and he wanted to make amends. But it was difficult to believe him, there had to be a catch. She had never seen Timmy appear so repentant!

When Timmy saw that she was having difficulty believing him, he said he had become a Christian and repented of all his sins! That made sense, since she had spent hours before the TV watching Televangelists! She had been praying that God would intervene in her situation. Could this be the answer to her prayers?

Since no one had told her about her Dad’s meeting with Timmy, at that time, she was inclined to believe that God had given her a miracle!

Now, the miracle had lasted for just two months! She had to face the truth. Timmy had gone back to his old ways! Biting her fingers, she wondered how Timmy could have succeeded in deceiving her to start with.

If only she had listened to her Dad who had always believed that Timmy was a never do well! Unfortunately however, her mum too had been taken in by Timmy’s charm!

So what could she do? She lifted herself up from the pile of clothes and headed for the Kitchen. It was 10.00am on Saturday morning and Timmy was supposed to be playing Golf at the club. She knew better. He was probably holed up with some girl somewhere!

Timmy’s mug was on the kitchen table as she walked into the kitchen. Without thinking, she picked the mug up and threw it against the wall, shattering it to pieces!

Gazing at the shattered pieces on the floor for a few minutes she was surprised that she didn’t know she harbored such misgivings to warrant a display of violent anger!

That was when it began to dawn on her that she felt cheated by Timmy and she actually wouldn’t mind hurting him too!

He had taken her, an innocent girl and ruined her life! Even though she would prefer to leave him, she knew her father would never allow it. He was a strong Catholic and he would consider Divorce a scandal.

It was then that the idea occurred to her. Since he took great joy in running around, why not incapacitate him! If he couldn’t run around wouldn’t he sit down with her?

TO BE CONTINUED!

Angela was so confused she almost became a nervous wreck! She was a virgin when she married Timmy and she was from a nice, stable, religious home. She just didn’t have the faintest clue as to what to do.

Talking to her parents was simply out of the question. Timmy had warned her of dire consequences if she dared speak to her parents about what happened! From the rage he displayed before he stormed out of the house, Angela couldn’t take his words lightly.

For the next three years she lived in hell! Timmy was unrepentant and she began to prepare for the inevitable. She had to leave him. She was dying slowly and she knew she had better get out before her life was completely ruined! She lost so much weight that her parents and friends at work became really worried.

She was an only child and even though her parents were familiar with her melancholy temperament, this was getting too far and she refused to tell them just what the matter was!

Later, she found out that it was at this stage that her Dad decided to have a word with Timmy. He couldn’t get anything sensible from the young man but he could tell that there was something seriously wrong with their marriage. He never liked Timmy and he suspected that he was being unfaithful to his daughter. Without saying anything to anyone, he decided to hire a private Detective to find out if he was right!

It took the guy less than a week to get back! Her father was disgusted. Timmy was a Hound Dog! He called Timmy over and gave him the length of his Tongue. He was a respected Judge and he assured Timmy that he would ensure that Timmy ended up behind bars, for a long time, if he didn’t mend his ways!

Timmy couldn’t believe it. He was prepared to shrug of the old man’s threat but the Judge asked him to speak with his Boss. As she found out later, Timmy decided to ask his Boss if he was familiar with Angela’s Dad later that day.

‘Funny you should ask. The old man was asking me just yesterday how well you were doing. He’s one of our biggest Shareholders. Didn’t you know?

Timmy was alarmed. Did Angela know? He wondered. Nobody told him! He could feel cold sweat forming on his brow. Life as a ladies’ man was expensive and Timmy had mismanaged some company funds! If he were found out, he would go to jail! With Angela’s Dad as a Shareholder, he would surely go to jail for a long time!

‘I em, I saw him yesterday and he asked after you. I didn’t know you knew him personally. Timmy replied hurriedly.

He excused himself and rushed off to the Gents. All of a sudden, he felt he needed to take a leak!

NB: TO BE CONTD