Why?

Because, sometimes, a stitch in time does save nine! Sometimes however, its just too late to save anything!

Okay, so here are ten signs to let you know that your relationship is in trouble.

1. You’re no longer getting what you want or need from the relationship. If you are not happy, it’s likely your partner is also unhappy.

2. You can no longer communicate with your partner. When you are speaking different languages, nine times out of ten, well, quite simply, you can no longer understand each other!

3. You no longer look forward to spending time alone with your partner. When you find yourself making appointments for the time you should normally be with your partner, something is wrong.

4. You partner seems to be getting on your nerves and you can no longer tolerate those petty things you used to overlook.

5. You compare your partner to others. You wonder why your partner can’t be like someone else and you go on and on about it.

6. You try to change your partner. You go out and buy clothes that you would prefer to see on your partner even when you know they hate that style.

7. You don’t laugh anymore. It’s been months since you both found something funny at the same time.

8. You’re doing all the giving or all the getting. It’s your love that is keeping the relationship going.

9. Your friends no longer like being around you when you’re with your partner.

10. You no longer feel good about yourself. It’s like you’ve become someone else and you don’t like the new you.

So, there you have them! Where are you?

To save the relationship or not to save it?

Ah, that my friend, is your question!

Have a great week!

Hi,

You are receiving this e-mail because you subscribed for datingcycle.com updates.

Tomorrow at 10am, we are having an interactive session with Niyi Odunsi at the datingcycle office, 19 Town Planning Way, Ilupeju, Lagos, Nigeria ( Our office is adjacent to the Airtel Office )

If you are in Lagos and you are free, please feel free to come straight in!

The session starts at 10am and will be over by 12noon!

We’ll be talking about “SEX AND MONEY: WHICH IS MORE IMPORTANT IN A LOVE RELATIONSHIP?”

This is also your opportunity to meet wonderful folks like you who are registered with datingcycle.com!

Don’t miss this chance and, hey, bring a friend!

C U Tomoro!

Don’t be late!

datingcycle crew

Ngozi loved Uche from the start. An attractive lady, people were surprised that she could fall for someone like Uche whose looks were below average.

Uche worked in a bank and drove a brand new BMW. He was a generous guy and within months, he had bought Ngozi one of those tiny Kia cars. She loved it. It was an exotic lime colour. All her friends envied her and couldn’t believe her good fortune.

Uche lived in a serviced apartment with a swimming pool at Victoria Island. He had a cook who took care of the apartment very well and it didn’t take Ngozi too long to move in with Uche! Uche’s friends couldn’t believe Uche’s good fortunes. “Lucky devil” They called him.

Ngozi didn’t work. She stayed back home like a housewife and cooked lovely dishes for Uche. Uche loved to invite friends over for Dinner and show Ngozi off. He loved going out on dates and parties to show off his “catch”

Everyone expected them to get married soon as Ngozi appeared to have settled in nicely and Uche told everyone that he had found the woman of his dreams.

Everything went great until the consolidation exercise in the banking industry started. There was a lot of politics in Uche’s Bank and before he knew it, Uche was out of a job!

All attempts to get a new job didn’t go very well. Uche’s bank was a relatively small one. There were lots of folks who were more qualified for the position Uche wanted. Soon, he lost hope and stopped trying.

In a matter of weeks, Uche couldn’t maintain his car not to talk of Ngozi! His apartment was part of his official perks and he had to move out. Things became rather tight as he had to use all his savings to pay for another flat.

The new apartment was far away in Ipaja a surburb. It was also a duplex but it just wasn’t Victoria Island. There were pot-holes all over the roads and the neighbours were dirty and noisy.

Soon, Uche started getting on Ngozi nerves. As she explained to her friends, she couldn’t imagine what she saw in Uche! The guy was ugly and boring. Gone were the dinner parties and the eating out.

Two months after, Ngozi broke off their engagement. Uche was mad. He demanded for the car he bought for her and when she refused to give it back, he reported the matter to the police.

The police stepped in but they discovered that the car was in Ngozi’s name! Legally, it belonged to her and they could not take it from her forcefully. They advised Uche to take out a civil action to prove that he bought the car for her since she denied it!

Uche couldn’t afford to take a lawyer. He was crushed. He couldn’t understand how Ngozi could treat him the way she did after professing eternal love to him!

Please advice Uche and Ngozi on what to do next?

Lets have your comments people!

Lust takes! Oh yes, Lust will take and keep taking from you until you have nothing left to give!

When someone wants to see you all the time, whether or not its convenient for you, when someone expects you to always give money or presents, even if you have to steal the money, well that aren’t True love, baby!

When someone wants sex before marriage and they tell you that if you don’t put out then they’ll cut you out, sweetheart, that’s not Love!

When you’re the only one calling, sending text messages, and visiting and they are always too busy to call or visit you, well, that’s not love and in most cases, this happens after you’re had sex with them.

When someone wants you to look like someone else, dress like someone else, talk like someone else or walk like someone else, well, they are in love with someone else and not you!

When you’re been dating a guy for years, and he’s sleeping with you and he doesn’t want to discuss marriage, something is wrong girl! You’re being foolish!

Now, if you still don’t know how to separate true love from Lust, you really have problems!

But let’s look at why true love is sometimes called divine love. Maybe that will help you.

Divine Love is actually the English translation of the Greek word know as Agapao or Agape as most people know it.

If you are a Christian, you are probably familiar with John 3:16 in the Bible where it says,

“For God so loved the word that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believes in him should not die but have everlasting life”

Jesus came to this world and was crucified on a rugged cross at Calvary to save sinners.

Jesus wasn’t just a good guy. No, He came in execution of God’s plan to save humanity from sin and death. He was a sacrificial lamb.

Now that is true love. For a man to die for his fiends is definitely true love.

Am I saying you must die for your honey-pie to prove that you love him or not? Of course not.

All I’m saying is this. When you truly love someone, you are prepared to sacrifice for them. You are prepared to help them even if that help is going to cost you or hurt you.

I’m talking about emptying out your account to bail someone you love. And wait for it, the fact that they, may not pay you back is irrelevant.

Impossible?

Well, that’s true love for you!

The reason why it’s often difficult to find true love is because human beings are by nature selfish!

In this world, it is often every man for himself and God for us all! Most people naturally look out for themselves first.

You see, when people are dating and they say they are in love, its because things are going great. Both parties have a mutually beneficial relationship and are meeting each others needs.

Trouble always starts when one person is no longer able to meet the other person’s needs.

NB: Watch out for the concluding part next week

“He loves me, he loves me not”

For most people who are serious about dating, there is an expected end.

Marriage.

Now I know there are a lot of people who are just looking for fun. I know there are a lot of men out there who are just looking to “sow some wild oats” as we say. I also know that there are ladies who are just looking for someone to fleece!

If you are a “farmer” or “fleecer” in this context, this article is not for you.

As a matter of fact, this website is not for you.

Now don’t get all defensive. I have nothing against you personally but I feel obliged to warn you. The stuff you will learn on this website is so potent that it will work for you and before you know it, you might get hooked (sorry, trapped!)

So my friend, close your Brower and go to another website that is dedicated to giving you lots of fun (and heartaches)

Back to those truly looking for love

What is true love?

Most of what people call love is actually the opposite of love. What people call love is also a four letter word but that is where the similarity ends. What people mistake for “Love” is often “Lust”

How can you tell Love and Lust apart?

Sandra met Bill at a party. He was handsome, funny and romantic. In two weeks, Sandra was madly in love.

Within a month the happy couple was living together. They lived in Sandra’s flat. Bill was unemployed. He had no accommodation and no transportation when he met Sandra.

Two months after they met, Bill was driving Sandra’s car all over town. Because Sandra was working, he would drop her off in the morning and go off to “look for a job”

Six months after they met, Bill took off in Sandra’s car and Sandra’s money after an argument!

Sandra was two month pregnant and sorry, I forgot to mention that they were not married!

Now, I know that your name is not Sandra and you’re probably not a Bill. But, if you don’t know or you cannot recognize true Love, well, your chances of ending up like Sandra or, well, Bill may be much higher than you imagine.

Today, I’m just going to tell you one way to differentiate between True Love and Lust. It is quite simple really, here goes.

Love gives, Lust takes!

What?

Yes. If you truly love someone you will focus on giving and not taking or getting from your “lover”

Now, you can give without loving but you cannot love without giving.

If someone truly loves you, they are more interested in adding to you than taking away from you.

Love will always go the extra mile to do or give what is best for you.

True Love is not selfish. True love thinks about the other person first, always.

True love doesn’t mind getting hurt just to make the other person happy and fulfilled.

True love accepts you as you are and will patiently wait for you to improve on yourself. True love gives you peace and joy.

If you are beginning to wonder if that “lover” is truly in love with you, well, my friend, you are right, that joker isn’t in love with you after all!

But don’t hurry off. Let me tell you a bit about Lust so you can really understand where that joker is coming from.

NB: Please watch out for the concluding part next week.

ROMANCE:

“I wish you would be more romantic!”

If you’re a married man reading this piece, you’ve heard that hundreds of times I’m sure. If not, how about this?

“When was the last time you told me you love me?”

I’ve heard that hundreds of times and my response is always the same.

“Honey, you know, I love you!”

‘Well, I don’t know! my wife always snaps back! “How can you say you love me when you don’t tell me!”

“I thought I did yesterday.”

“When?” comes the inevitable query.

Okay, maybe I didn’t say it yesterday and maybe I did. At times like this, I wish I had an Accountant following us around taking count of the number of times I tell my wife I love her!

This reminds me of a husband who was being cross-examined in a divorce suit.

“If you claim to love your wife, how come you never told her in ten years of marriage?” his wife’s lawyer asked.

“Having told her on our wedding day, I didn’t think it was necessary repeating myself!” he replied not batting an eyelid!

Can you beat that?

Does the fact that my wife and I constantly argue over whether I am romantic enough mean our marriage is over?

Of course not! I’m a man and my communication skill can never match that of my wife. I’m learning though.

HEADACHES!

Once in a while, wives have headaches at very inconvenient times. If you are a married man, you know what I’m talking about.

It took me some time to figure out how to get rid of those headaches and I tell you, we had hundreds of arguments about it.

Fortunately for husbands, the Bible says women are to submit to their husbands and as a Christian with some knowledge of the Bible; this verse of scripture came in handy during those arguments.

Sometimes I had my way, most of the time, I didn’t!

After a few years and a few books, I started to see things from my wife’s point of view.

Now I don’t just ump on my wife expecting her to be always willing like in the movies!  I try to be a friend and a caring husband all the time.

I must confess that I sometimes behave like the average man and we still have arguments about bedroom manners but does this mean my marriage is doomed?

No! My wife has also learnt to tolerate my natural instincts!

And so folks, remember, some sparks are normal in every marriage and they are nothing to worry about! We’ve looked at five of them and I hope you’re a little wiser now. Compromise, that’s the word you need to learn to practice more in your marriage.

If you’re however having too many sparks on a fairly regular basis, you need to see a marriage Counselor fast!

DIFFERENCE IN PERSPECTIVES

Ever heard the saying ‘Men are from Mars and women from Venus?’ Well, it’s more true than you can imagine.

Naturally, men are problem solvers.  Tell a man a problem and he wants to fix things.  He’s thinking, “Okay, how do we solve this problem and get on with life?”

Women? That’s a different matter entirely.  Women seem to spend a lot more time dwelling over the problem than solving it (Sorry Ladies, I’m a Man)

I’ll give an example. My wife was having problems with one of her staff a few months back.. The lady in question had become insubordinate and downright rude!

My wife told me about it and I spoke with the Lady. After about five minutes, I realized she wasn’t going to change her ways. She was unrepentant and I felt it was best to ask her to leave.

I told my wife my feelings and left it at that. Later that night, I noticed that my wife was irritable.  My mind was on work so I didn’t get round to asking her what the matter was.  I traveled the next day and returned a week later to find her really upset at me.

What was my offense?

I was on the side of the erring staff!

I was truly flabbergasted.  How in the world did she reach such a ridiculous conclusion? I wondered aloud.

The problem as I discovered after several hours of trying to reason with her was that I had not empathized with her!

As she explained to me, she knew that she had to fire the Lady before I suggested it to her!

“Why then did you bother telling me that you had a problem?” I enquired stupefied

“I just wanted you to see what I sometimes go through dealing with these people!”

I stared at her open mouthed.

“I would have been fine if you had said she was a silly girl or something like that. When you didn’t say anything bad about her, I assumed that maybe you couldn’t see my side of things!”

Can you beat that?

It’s just a normal spark in a marriage, believe me!

MEN HAVE A ONE TRACK MIND, WOMEN DON’T!

I hate going shopping with my wife! If I am going shopping, it’s because I need to buy something and even if I don’t know where to get it, I enter into shops and if what I want is there, I pay for it and leave.

If its not there, I walk out and head for another shop.

My wife? Even when she knows what she wants to buy, she enters a shop and begins to ask after other products! It is not important that she doesn’t have the money to pay for the stuff with her!

When she finally gets round to the product she came to buy, she begins to examine them critically and starts to haggle over how much she will pay for the product!

When there is finally an agreement as to the price, she leaves the shop and begins to look around for the same product.

“But we just saw the thing in that shop.” I point out.

“Yes, but I want to know if I can get a better bargain!”

It’s the same when we have to go out together.  I usually know where I’m going and I know how much time I want to spend there.

My wife has this knack of stopping off in five places before we get to our original destination and this simply get to me!

“Can we stop bye, I have to pick up my dress from the Tailor’s”

“Look, you can go to the Tailor’s whenever you want. I’m running late already.” I snapped.

“It’s only round the corner.”

“There are at least ten corners before we get there.” I point out

She starts to sulk and I have to turn off and head for the Tailor’s!

It’s just not fair is it?  Is our marriage in danger? Of course not!

Having been married for fifteen years, I could tell she wasn’t quite herself.

“Is anything wrong?” I enquired.

Silence.

“Honey, you haven’t turned the page of that book for forty-five minutes,”

Silence

“Okay, maybe it’s not something you want to talk about.”

I turned back to the book I was reading.

“I don’t know why you have to pretend you care!”

Uh oh! I put my book down.

“Honey?” I began politely, “I asked you if there was a problem—

“Yes, but did you wait for a response?”

Did I wait for a response?

“But I —

She stood up and walked out of the bedroom! I shrugged and continued reading my book.

Was I worried?

Maybe ten years ago I would have been worried!

Are we having serious problems with our marriage?  No. She’s a woman and I’m a man.  I can’t think or act like her no matter how hard I try and she can’t think or act like me no matter how hard she tries!

I remember an interview done with Ruth Graham where someone asked if she and Billy ever had any arguments.

“If we never argue that would mean one of us is dead.” That or something close was her reply.

You see, the fact that couples disagree or argue doesn’t necessarily mean that their marriage is threatened.

My wife is Sanguine and she has the tendency to wear her emotions on her sleeves.  Being a woman and having tons of emotions, you can imagine how many arguments or to be honest ‘fights’ we got into before I grew older and (thank God) wiser.

I am by no means saying that frequent disagreements, quarrels and shouting matches in a marriage are healthy.  These are of course symptoms of an unhealthy marriage and if care is not taken, divorce is often the destination of such marriages.

My point is that when you have two different species (Male and Female) from different backgrounds, different homes and different life experiences, living together in some twenty square feet of space, there are bound to be sparks!

However, it is not every spark that can lead to the divorce court and I’ll mention five of the harmless sparks in marriages here.  These are sparks that are normal and should not give couples, especially wives, any sleepless nights.

1)   REPEATED ARGUMENTS OVER THE SAME ISSUE: “Where are my keys?” my wife screams. “Has anyone seen my keys?”

I’m the only one in the house with her but I keep quiet. Maybe someone else in the house will respond!

“Honey, have you seen my car keys anywhere?” “Oh, were you talking to me?”

She gives me a curious look.

“If you would just take the trouble to keep your keys in one spot, by the door shelf where I keep mine, you wouldn’t be looking for them all the time.”

I reach under the sofa and throw the key in her direction.  Without exaggeration, I can safely say that we’ve had this conversation over 2,000 times!

Is our marriage in trouble because my wife won’t keep her keys where I keep mine?  Of course not! Because she’s a woman and I’m a man, there will always be areas where it will be downright impossible to change and we’ll in all likelihood continue to have arguments in those areas till we’re both old and grey.

NB: Watch out for the concluding parts!

I knew he wouldn’t understand me even before I started speaking. I wasn’t surprised. My mistake was that I didn’t let Paul realize who I was early enough in our relationship. He knew I was Born Again, make no mistake about that, but he obviously thought I was just another religious girl who loved attending church and religious events.

I told him I was not into sex before marriage about a week after we started dating.

Initially, he didn’t believe me but when he saw my resolve and I threatened to break up the relationship if he wanted sex to be a part of us, he fell in line.

But I gave in to pecks and eventually, French kisses. I must confess, it was God that saved me. I almost ended up in bed with him several times!

At first, my romance with Paul was enchanting. Like every woman, I relished the attention, the flowers and the Chocolates. I loved going out on dates to Cinemas and Dinner. I even went to Kenya with Paul and had loads of fun on wild life Parks.

Fortunately, we went in a group and I was not expected to sleep in the same room with him.

But gradually, the down side of dating Paul started to come out. I stopped attending church as regularly as I used to and I practically stopped participating in church activities.

Not that Paul ever objected to my going to church. His plans just never included church!

I started going for days without reading my Bible or praying!

One by one, my friends who equally loved God started withdrawing from me or perhaps I started withdrawing from them because I was spending a lot of my time with Paul.

Some of them tried to warn me but I thought they were against my having fun. I even accused one of them of being jealous!

I tried to get Paul interested in the things of God but he just didn’t seem keen! He believed attending Mass was good enough for him. I invited him to several crusades, hoping and praying that he would give his life to Christ. That didn’t happen!

Then we both attended Kike’s wedding. Kike and I had been friends since childhood and we had become committed to the Lord Jesus Christ about the same time. She was getting married to Dave her first love and the joy of the couple was real. Dave was also committed to Jesus and I could tell that the couple adored each other.

When I went to say hello to Kike before the church service started, I asked her if she didn’t harbour any fears about her marriage. The thought of marriage filled me with fear!

‘Of course, I am not afraid. We are both committed to Jesus and we believe the same things. But what is more important is that we’ve both prayed about this and we are sure God wants us married! We both love Jesus and we will continue to live for him’

I guess it was those words that did it for me. I knew there was no need to pray about Paul and I. God’s opinion on the matter was clear. ‘DO NOT BE BOUND TOGETHER WITH UNBELIEVERS….(2COR 6:14)

Anyone that is not committed to the Lord Jesus Christ is an unbeliever. Paul was in that category unfortunately. I guess I should have known better. Going out with Paul almost cost me my relationship with Jesus. Whenever I considered breaking up with him earlier, I would kid myself that maybe God would use me to win him to Christ. I remember someone once telling me that it was easier to pull someone down than to pull them up!

Paul almost pulled me down!

It finally dawned on me that I had to end the relationship. I had waited for the right opportunity for about a week and now he was asking for my hand in marriage!

The thought of getting married to Paul didn’t fill me with joy and bliss. It filled me with uncertainty and fear. I wasn’t as sure and as confident as Kike. I wasn’t sure that God would be in the marriage with me. How then would I make it?

I turned to Paul with all the courage I could muster. ‘Paul, you are not committed to Jesus. It is not safe for me to see you any more’

Slowly, I removed the Diamond ring from my finger and handed it over to him. I turned from him and ran. I ran and ran and ran.

Paul went down on one knee and held my hand ever so lightly as he slipped a beautiful engagement ring on my finger. I could see the Diamond glittering in the morning sun.

The Park was alive with children playing and dogs running around as parents sat enjoying picnics all over the lush green fields. Red roses, White Lilies and Purple Jacaranda Trees adorned the park. I could hear the songs of birds welcoming spring early this clear April, day and it was a wonderful time to have someone as charming as Paul propose to me.

But my answer had to be ‘No’

I shook my head slowly and pulled Paul up from his knees. I tried to speak but the words wouldn’t come. I turned to avoid the sadness that I could see deep within his soul. Tears filled my eyes at the thought of the hurt and the pain I was causing him but my answer had to be ‘No’

‘You know I love you baby’ Paul whispered slowly as he fought hard to control his emotions.

I nodded without turning back to face him. I couldn’t bear to look at him.

‘Why Lord, why?’ my heart cried out to God but I knew the answer deep within me.

From the first day I set my eyes on Paul, I had known this day would come. I just didn’t know it would hurt this much.

It was at this same park, about this time of the year. My bicycle had lost control and I had literally run into him! I was more than embarrassed! I was full of apologies as he pulled me up from the hedges.

‘You must have lunch with me today to prove how sorry you are’ was all he said.

That dinner turned to this a year later!

I could feel Paul move close to me as he put his arms on my shoulders. ‘Don’t you think I deserve an answer?’ he whispered

I gazed at the bright blue sky seeking strength and wisdom before I spoke.

‘I’m sorry Paul, it just can’t work’

‘It just can’t work? I don’t understand’

‘I’ve given this a lot of thought. I am not just a Christian Paul, I live for God. I treasure my relationship with Jesus more than anything else in life. He is my everything and I cannot live without Him in my life’

Paul shook his head in disbelief. ‘But I am not asking you to give up your relationship with God’ He protested ‘I am also very religious, you know I attend Mass as often as possible. I am not a pagan for crying out loud!’