Can he really change?

Dorothy sat with her hands supporting her head. Her average features wore a troubled look. She stared straight ahead oblivious of her immediate environment. The tube stopped at the King’s Cross Station but she didn’t notice. The door slid open and then closed again. Dorothy’s mind was on Donald.

He had finally asked her to marry him after two years of courtship. Donald was handsome and carefree. He was a darling really, and was quite a charmer. He had a good job and a bright future. There was just one problem.

His temper!

If any one ever had a short fuse, it was Donald. She had seen him loose his temper more times than she cared to count. During the first year of courtship, she had not quite noticed. Not that she didn’t see him loose his temper; it was just that his anger was never directed at her. Besides, it really wasn’t a big deal, she had thought at the time.

About 18 months into the courtship however, she started becoming the object of his anger. The problem really was that Donald seemed to loose all sense of reason whenever he got angry. To her shock, he had hit her in a fit of fury because she saw an old friend off to the Bus Stop!

He had apologized profusely and promised rigorously that it would never happen again. He didn’t keep his promise. It happened several times thereafter! The point really was, could be keep his promise, even if he wanted to?

She had asked him to go into therapy but he had objected. When she suggested that they might not have a future together, he had agreed to go on one condition. They had to get married first!

Dorothy’s hand went to her shoulder instinctively and rubbed against it. Donald had shoved her hard against his bedroom wall about a month back and had hurt her shoulder and she shuddered. If only she didn’t love him so much, she reasoned. The choice would have been so much easier to make.

Dorothy is not alone, I’m afraid to say. Many folks enter into marriage aware of a fundamental flaw in their future partner. Sometimes, blinded by ‘love’, they go on into marriage like a lamb led to the slaughter.

On the other hand, some folks are apprehensive and doubtful about the chances of success of their marriage because of their partner’s flaws but moved by passionate pleas and promises of the ability and desire to change after marriage, they succumb to their partner’s pressures to tie the knot.

In both cases, I’m sorry to say, the marriage is off on a shaky start. The truth is, people who do not change before marriage are not likely to change after marriage.

The fear of loosing someone you love so dearly is certainly enough motivation for anyone to change if it is a condition precedent to the marriage. If someone cannot change in such circumstances, why should they change after marriage?

My advice to folks in such situations is this. You need to ask yourself, if your partner does not change, can you live with whatever flaw he or she has?

If you can live with the flaw, I mean if your life won’t be miserable, then, by all means, all other things being equal, you may go ahead and tie the knot.

If on the other hand, you know you can’t live with the flaw, then you’d better take to your heels! In 95% of cases, people do not change after marriage. I don’t care how sincere or compassionate they sound when pleading. Life is short. Don’t gamble with yours.

What if they do change but you discover after getting married that they really haven’t changed and that they fooled you?

Oh dear! We’ll talk about that some other time, I promise. Just keep login on to datingcycle.com.