Getting it Right

‘How do you turn back the hand of the clock fourteen years?’

I looked at James and I didn’t know what to say. He looked so sad and dejected that I really wished I had something to say. That’s one sad thing about counseling for me. Sometimes you really don’t have all the answers. I doubt if I will ever forget my session with James.

‘I wish there was something nice I could say James, there just isn’t.’

Fourteen years ago, James was involved with a pretty girl. He believed he really loved her after dating for some three years. She wasn’t so sure, but well, James always was like a Leech. He never could let go easily.

Well, James had an opportunity to travel to the US and in two months, he was able to stay in the US legitimately. Now if you ask any Nigerian in the US, they would tell you that had to be a miracle. From what James told me, it was indeed a miracle. He had a job with the prospects of getting better jobs, all in two months!

But there was a problem. Rachael was way back in Nigeria. She was still in school and well, she wasn’t sure she really wanted to get married to James. James was confused. What was he to do? Now, being a committed Christian, James naturally prayed about it. He had a dream and he interpreted the dream to mean that God wanted him back in Nigeria. He left the US and came back to Rachel. They would go back together.

A few months after he came back, Rachael told him she was in love with someone else. Well, Leech James wouldn’t hear of it. He put up a fight and won her right back! About a year later, they were married. But Rachael never was sure about James. She married him because he seemed to love her. She knew she really didn’t love him, but he had given so much.

The marriage turned out to be hell for both parties. Rachael asked for a divorce about every other month, and I am not exaggerating! Leech James wouldn’t hear of it, after all, they were Christians and the Bible clearly states that God hates divorce. His love was big enough for two, he thought. Four kids followed and life went on as it normally does whether or not we’re having a great time.

James’ business never did well. He struggled on but couldn’t quite provide for his family as he should. Nothing seemed to be working except that he was active in Church. That became his life. I guess he felt if he served God hard enough, God would make things fine somehow. The couple went through an emotional roller coaster. There was an abortion and adultery to contend with.

Finally, fourteen years later, James came to see me. He was ready to face the truth. I told him that he had missed it fourteen years ago. He had no business coming back to Nigeria.

That should have been obvious, don’t you think?

So, why wasn’t it obvious to James? Even more intriguing is the fact that it didn’t occur to James until we got talking, that he missed it by coming back!

The point is, James was a Christian and he prayed before making the decision to come back. He had a dream which he believed was God’s answer to his prayer! Did God lead him astray?

The answer lies in one simple detail. James and Rachael were into pre marital sex when they were courting!

What’s that to do with anything?

They were committed Christians and pre-marital sex is a sin. It’s what the Bible calls fornication. When you sin habitually as a Christian, you loose some of the benefits of being a child of God, like being guided by God.

Why?

How often will you give advice to someone who habitually disobeys you?

Even if the couple were not Christians, they still would have ended up all messed up. What people do not know is that pre-marital sex creates an emotional and a spiritual bond that blinds one from seeing the faults in the other person. This is not rocket science. Once you get involved physically, it dominates your relationship. Time that should be spent in really getting to know each other is spent exploring something else.

Any Fool would have seen that the couple was not meant for each other!  Why did James come back? There was an emotional and a spiritual bond that was too strong for him to ignore! He couldn’t bear the thought of loosing Rachael. He told me that he was scared that if he wasn’t in Nigeria, Rachael was sure to forget about him!

What about the dream he had after praying to God? Today, he realises that he misinterpreted the dream! In reality, his mind was made up to go back to Rachael. There was no way he could have heard anything to the contrary! It really didn’t matter what God was saying. James would have interpreted it to mean that he should return to Nigeria.

So how do you turn back the hand of the clock fourteen years?

I still don’t know. I guess it’s better not to have to try!

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Getting it Right